“I won’t be in tomorrow.”
Those five words, typed into an email subject line two months ago, marked the beginning of my escape from a workplace that had slowly consumed my spirit. Just days before, I had attempted to quit, but guilt convinced me to stay. The toxicity that drove my initial decision hadn’t magically disappeared – it had simply been momentarily overshadowed by a sense of obligation.
That email subject was my notification to my boss about a job interview – one of three opportunities that emerged within a week of my decision to leave. The universe has a way of confirming your decisions, and in my case, it came in the form of two job offers before I even needed to pursue the third interview.
In my message to my boss that day, I wrote words that now seem painfully revealing: “If this door doesn’t open, I plan to reach out to my former boss about a role he has open currently. Less pay, but I was really good at my job there. I’m just emotionally drained.”
Walking away wasn’t easy. I had invested two years helping the organization through a leadership transition, built processes from scratch, and finally secured permission to hire my own assistant. I had made myself “comfortable” in my role, even as it emotionally drained me. I had become “comfortable” being told to stop sharing ideas with colleagues, “comfortable” being shut down when asking for clear goals, “comfortable” watching my job description expand far beyond its original scope with no end in sight.
I had grown accustomed to fighting daily turf wars, pleading for help in breaking down organizational silos that seemed cemented in place. I had normalized living in discomfort because I feared change and held onto a misplaced sense of loyalty.
Fast forward to yesterday’s company Christmas party at my new workplace. There I stood, blindfolded, tossing bows into a bowl during an “Elf Assist” game, surrounded by the cheers and laughter of my new colleagues. Six weeks ago, such a scene would have filled me with anxiety. Now, it feels natural.
The most surprising part? I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop – for the turf wars to emerge, the workload to become overwhelming, and the silos to rise. But they haven’t. Instead, I’ve found myself in an environment that feels almost surreal in its positivity. From day one, I’ve been supported, equipped, and encouraged. My colleagues freely share their time and knowledge, ensuring I can excel in my role. I’ve landed on what can only be described as the “Dream Team” – the kind of workplace you read about in business books but assume only exists in theory.
After the party, I pulled aside a colleague and asked, “Is it always like this working here?”
She understood immediately what I meant. “It hasn’t always been, but yes, this place is pretty special. Our leaders are really good people, and that has made all the difference.”
Sometimes you have to wade through the uncomfortable to truly appreciate the gift of genuine comfort. In my case, it took experiencing a toxic workplace to recognize and value a healthy one.
The contrast between these two environments holds valuable lessons for both business leaders and employees – lessons about culture, leadership, personal worth, and the courage to make changes when necessary.
Lessons for Business Leaders:
1. Culture flows from the top: The stark contrast between the two workplaces demonstrates how leadership directly shapes culture. The colleague’s comment “Our leaders are really good people, and that has made all the difference” is particularly telling. Good leaders create environments where collaboration thrives naturally rather than through forced initiatives.
2. Organizational silos and turf wars are leadership failures, not employee problems: Employees who are “fighting turf wars” and “breaking down silos” indicates systemic issues that leadership failed to address. When employees must constantly fight these battles, it signals a fundamental breakdown in organizational structure and leadership.
3. Dismissing employee input (especially about goals and ideas) is a fast track to losing talent: Telling employees to “stop sharing ideas” and to “quit asking for goals” are both red flags that indicate a toxic leadership style that stifles growth and innovation. These types of environments directly contributed to losing dedicated employees.
4. Comfort doesn’t equal engagement: Employees can be “comfortable” but emotionally drained. Leaders must recognize that employees can become accustomed to toxic environments while slowly burning out. Just because employees aren’t complaining doesn’t mean they’re thriving.
5. The cost of poor culture extends beyond turnover: The organization lost not just an employee, but years of institutional knowledge, established processes, and someone who had demonstrated loyalty through difficult transitions. The impact of poor culture compounds over time as it affects multiple aspects of operations.
Lessons for Employees:
1. Loyalty to a fault can be self-destructive: It’s important to recognize when loyalty is being exploited rather than valued. Don’t stay “comfortable” in an uncomfortable situation out of loyalty and fear of change.
2. Trust your initial instincts: My first decision to quit was correct, but guilt led me to staying longer. The multiple rapid interview offers suggest the market recognized my value even when my employer and colleagues didn’t.
3. Emotional drainage is a valid reason to leave: Rereading my email, “Less pay, but I was really good at my job there. I’m just emotionally drained” highlights an important truth – emotional well-being at work is as important, if not more important, than compensation.
4. A healthy work environment shouldn’t feel surprising: You shouldn’t have to find yourself “waiting for the shoe to drop” in a new role because you have grown so accustomed to dysfunction. When a healthy workplace feels unusual, it’s a sign of how normalized toxic environments have become.
5. You don’t know how bad things are until you experience better: The contrast between the Christmas party experiences – from discomfort to celebration – shows how a healthy workplace culture can transform not just your work life but your personal growth and comfort level.
The Ripple Effect of Workplace Culture
As I reflect on my journey from a toxic workplace to a thriving one, the lessons extend far beyond my personal experience. They speak to a broader truth about organizational culture and its profound impact on both individuals and businesses.
For business leaders, the message is clear: Your influence shapes more than metrics and bottom lines. When employees are told to stop sharing ideas or asking for goals, you’re not just stifling innovation – you’re slowly dismantling their professional confidence and creativity. The “comfort” of your team might actually be resignation, and their loyalty might be masking deep emotional exhaustion. The true cost isn’t measured in turnover statistics, but in the gradual erosion of potential, enthusiasm, and institutional knowledge.
For employees navigating similar waters, remember that loyalty should never require you to diminish yourself. That nagging feeling that something isn’t right? Trust it. Those moments when you feel emotionally drained despite being “comfortable” in your role? They’re valid reasons to seek change. The market often recognizes your value even when your current workplace doesn’t – my three interview offers in seven days stand as testament to this truth.
Perhaps most importantly, understand that toxic workplace cultures can normalize themselves to the point where health feels foreign. Even now, six weeks into my new role, I sometimes catch myself bracing for the other shoe to drop – for the turf wars to begin or the silos to rise. But they don’t, because they’re not part of this organization’s DNA. The difference, as my colleague so wisely noted, stems from having leaders who are “really good people.”
This journey has taught me that workplace culture isn’t just a buzzword or a section in a company handbook. It’s the air employees breathe every day. It’s the difference between dreading Monday mornings and feeling energized about the week ahead. It’s what determines whether an employee feels safe enough to play silly games at a Christmas party or feels the need to guard themselves constantly.
The next time you find yourself becoming “comfortable” with discomfort in your workplace, pause and reflect. Are you truly thriving, or have you just grown accustomed to surviving? Are you staying out of loyalty, or fear? Remember: sometimes the most loyal thing you can do for yourself is to recognize when it’s time to move on.
Because sometimes, as I’ve learned, you have to experience the wrong fit to truly appreciate the right one. And when you find that right fit – that workplace where support is genuine, collaboration is natural, and growth is encouraged – it doesn’t just change your work life. It transforms your entire perspective on what’s possible in a professional environment.
After all, the best workplaces aren’t just about what they help you achieve – they’re about who they help you become.
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