Imagine boarding a private plane, where you set the schedule, skip security lines, and even make out with the pilot between stops. That was my life when I met my now husband on a flight from TXK to SLC in 2010. Flying private offered luxuries we couldn’t afford on our own, but it perfectly mirrors the early days of marriage.
When you first tie the knot, you’re flying high:
- Love notes on bathroom mirrors
- Holding hands and giggling at each other’s jokes
- Surprise flowers “just because”
- Bragging about your spouse to anyone who’ll listen
- Regular date nights to keep the spark alive
But then, life happens. Before you know it, you’re stuck in the Coach section of your marriage, cramped and uncomfortable.
From First Class to Coach: The Reality Check
As time passes, dissatisfaction creeps in. The gap between expectations and reality widens. You start taking those luxuries for granted. Suddenly, you’re:
- Seeing dirty dishes as annoyances rather than cute quirks
- Letting date nights slip away
- Forgetting to appreciate your partner’s efforts
But here’s the truth: the tools to make your ordinary marriage extraordinary again are within reach.
The Core of Marital Struggles
At our core, we’re selfish. We think we’re better than our spouse. We judge them, hold them in contempt. It’s a recipe for failure. But there’s hope.
Ephesians 5:33 reminds us: “Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
The formula is simple: Subtract contempt + Add respect = A thriving marriage
Respect means:
- Accepting their brokenness
- Forgiving imperfections
- Loving them for who they are
- Focusing on what they do right
- Praising their efforts
The Power of ReEngage: Our Journey Back to First Class
For us, the turning point came when we joined a ReEngage class at our church. It was like finding that magic toolbox to transform our marriage. Here’s what we learned:
- Surround yourself with couples who give Biblical advice
- Realize you’re not alone in your struggles
- Gain humility to recognize your own faults
- Make “date night” a priority
- Grow closer to God and each other
Remember, “Love is a choice, not an emotion.” Marriage isn’t a Hallmark movie or a sitcom. It’s a commitment to be there for better or worse.
The Importance of Biblical Advice
One of the most crucial lessons we learned was the importance of seeking the right advice. Our pastor once said, “If the people you are turning to for advice aren’t giving you Biblical based advice, you’re turning to the wrong people.”
When faced with marital struggles, many well-meaning friends might suggest divorce as an easy way out. But that’s not the Biblical approach. Instead, we should be turning to God and seeking wisdom to restore our covenant and heal our families.
Vulnerability and Communication: The Keys to Growth
Through ReEngage, we learned more about each other in 16 weeks than we had in 11 years of being together. Why? Because we learned how to be vulnerable. We learned how to communicate. We learned how to extend and receive both grace and forgiveness and how to grow together in oneness. If you’ve found yourself stuck in coach, find a similar marriage class you can take with your spouse.
The Checklist for Conflict Resolution
Whenever we feel conflict in our relationships, we should pause and ask ourselves:
- Am I showing compassion?
- Am I practicing kindness?
- Am I exhibiting humility?
- Am I acting in gentleness?
- Am I exuding patience?
- Am I allowing forbearance?
- Am I giving forgiveness?
By applying this checklist, we can’t help but see our relationships grow and flourish.
The Myth of the Perfect Marriage
Have you ever looked at another couple and thought their marriage was perfect? Or maybe you looked at a group of friends or another family unit and wondered why your friendships or family unit weren’t as solid?
Here’s the truth: no relationships are perfect. But there is a strategy you can use in all of your relationships to help get them as close to perfect as possible. It starts with diligence.
Diligence means you are committed to putting careful and persistent work into your relationships without quitting or getting stressed. You must practice diligence when things are going right in your relationships, and you must practice it when there is strife.
Three Steps to Relationship Diligence
1. Remember who you are: Dearly loved, wholly known, and chosen by God
2. Remember who your spouse is: Equally loved and chosen by God
3. Live accordingly: Show compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forbearance, and forgiveness
The Power of Forgiveness
As Christians, we expect God to forgive us and show us grace for the sins we have committed daily. If God can forgive us and move on, who are we to not forgive those around us and show them unconditional love?
Remember, God doesn’t villainize you, so you shouldn’t villainize others. God doesn’t play victim, so you shouldn’t play victim. Instead, it is God’s desire to help you grow more and more into the person that Christ died on the cross to save you to become.
The Power of Choice in Love
One of my favorite takeaways from ReEngage was, “Love is a choice, not an emotion.” Marriage isn’t a Hallmark movie. Marriage isn’t a sitcom or a Hollywood special. Marriage is the commitment to be there for better and for worse because God created us to become one with the spouse he gifted to us during our time on earth.
Years ago, a couple who had been married 50 years shared the secret to their success, “We never gave up at the same time.” We make the choice during the hard times, during the hurt, during the trials, to continue to love and support one another. We make the choice to not give up because our other half depends on us to make the choice.
Conclusion: From Coach Back to First Class
Your marriage isn’t perfect. Neither is mine. But with a little diligence and these tools, you can upgrade from Coach back to First Class. The luxuries of marriage are waiting for you – it’s time to enjoy the flight.
Remember, marriage is a journey. There will be turbulence, unexpected delays, and sometimes you might feel like you’re stuck in a holding pattern. But with God as your co-pilot and the right tools in your relationship toolbox, you can navigate any storm and land safely in the arms of the one you love.
So, are you ready to take off? Are you prepared to put in the work, to choose love every day, to forgive and seek forgiveness? Are you willing to see your spouse as God sees them – dearly loved, wholly known, and chosen?
The journey from Coach back to First Class isn’t always easy, but it’s always worth it. Your marriage has the potential to be an extraordinary adventure, a testament to God’s love and grace. All it takes is your commitment, your diligence, and your willingness to grow.
Today is the day to start. Whether you’re newlyweds still enjoying the honeymoon phase, or you’ve been married for decades and feel stuck in a rut, there’s always room for improvement. There’s always an opportunity to deepen your connection, to strengthen your bond, to reignite the spark that brought you together in the first place.
So, are you ready to upgrade your marriage from Coach to First Class? The journey starts now. Fasten your seatbelts, and prepare for takeoff. Your extraordinary marriage awaits!
