Yesterday all I wanted to do was cry.
Read a text message … cried.
Someone walked out of my office … cried.
Left a meeting … cried.
I knew why. I felt overwhelmed. For the last several days I have felt overwhelmed. And instead of counting the things I have accomplished and focusing on what is going right, I have been focused on all the balls I was dropping and the ever growing list of things that still needed my attention.
No matter how much I want to be a positive person, my stronghold is negative thoughts and fear of not being perfect. And I allow the enemy to use it against me far more often than I should.
As I pondered my overwhelm, I was reminded of Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV) which reads, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
A little before lunch, I messaged my husband and asked him to pray for me. Then I took a moment and did the same.
Over the next few hours I had random positive affirmations cross my office door. I knew what God was doing.
I didn’t focus on them though. I focused on the ever growing list of requests flooding my inbox and wondered, “How will I ever get this done in time?”
I called my husband a bit later and asked if I could work late. He graciously said yes and covered homework, meals, and bath time for our kiddo. As I got home just before bedtime, I was ornery and just wanted to sleep. The last of me was for sure not the best of me.
As I rolled over on my pillow and closed my eyes, I asked the Lord to reset my heart and focus.
As I woke up this morning, I was reminded of just how many times yesterday I focused on the word “I”.
I feel overwhelmed.
I feel this needs to happen now.
I want this fixed now.
I don’t want to disappoint others.
And I was reminded, it’s not about me. It’s about God and His glory … and His timing.
And I was reminded that when it comes to God’s timing, everything always works out.
The reality was, the only one putting pressure on me was … me. I had been shone more grace over the past 72 hours for dropped balls than one person deserves, and yet, the dropped balls didn’t really impact anything except my pride. I was the only one bothered by them.
So today is a new day. A day without tears and overwhelm. A day with a new strategy and a new plan. A day with the focus on remembering that if God leads you to it, God will lead you through it. A day without needing to be perfect. A day where the moment I feel overwhelmed, I will rebuke my stronghold and go to God in prayer.
Isaiah 40:31 (NIV) reminds us, “But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
Today, I am an Eagle.