Note: This is part 3 of a 4 part series entitled “When God Closes Doors”.
As I walked into the door of my first day of orientation at an EMS agency, I was both excited and nervous.
Excited because I knew I was where God needed me. I was in essence starting the job I had dreamed about doing since graduating college.
Nervous because I knew very little about what the career itself actually entailed. I had spent the last several months listening to the EMS1 podcast, reading books and blogs friends had recommended, and studying anything I could to try and learn the industry.
I went through the same weeklong orientation the EMTs and paramedics went through. That meant everyone got to see me wince at the sight of blood, struggle to load a cot, and have completely no idea what reading a 12-lead meant (even after the class was over). They also got to see me overcome a fear of backing the ambulance thanks to an amazing instructor, take photos and tell my first agency story on social media, and spend time getting to know my coworkers so I could begin telling their story. It was an amazing first week.
Like most career moves, it took me about 90 days to really get a handle on the direction I wanted to take the new career opportunity. During that time I got to participate and assist in final plans for EMS Week and a milestone anniversary for our air program, and I was blessed with the opportunity to go to Washington D.C. with our Stars of Life.
Before long, I was doing ambulance tours in the community with kiddos, dressing as our mascot Ready Teddy, and teaching Bystander CPR classes across our community.
By the anniversary of my first year, I had also taken over marketing our air program. That opened the door to traveling across a wider service area meeting EMS professionals at other agencies and making amazing friendships with leaders at volunteer fire departments all over Arkansas and Texas. It also gave me an opportunity to create a new educational class no other program was offering, which opened the door to presenting at a Search and Rescue Conference.
Through my visits I reaffirmed that communication, or miscommunication, was at the heart of every PR issue we had. Restoring relationships was sometimes easy to do. In some cases, I had to recognize the relationships weren’t meant for me to restore (but I will say, I tried until the end).
When COVID hit in 2020, my world changed. My focus switched to getting our message out online. I presented at a lot of virtual meetings for civic clubs. I created educational videos, ads, and other messages that started out as “Stay Home and Don’t Call” to “Please Call for These Reasons”. While my colleagues worked on the frontlines of a pandemic, I was tucked away safely at home, trying to find a way to do public relations, when there was no public to go out and relate with.
I attempted to homeschool my daughter, but it was setup to fail. My priorities were still work, family … and maybe God (again, on days when I just couldn’t handle the struggle).
By October, I realized I could serve the company in a different role. I volunteered to take on the now vacant role of our recruiter. At the time, I was empowered to in essence process paperwork and schedule an interview, but not a lot more.
In January of 2021, I threw in the towel on homeschooling and enrolled our daughter in a private Christian school to finish first grade. That same month I headed back to the office. It was a true blessing. Emily now made the commute to and from work with me. We made time to feed the ducks at the park, sang songs, and began doing homework together with a Christ centered curriculum.
In March of 2021, the world began to open again and my world was about to change. God brought me my next mentor.
The EMS agency had hired a new Chief Administrative Officer. His first week on the job, he sat down with each member of our senior management team and asked us to go over what was working and not working in our department. My list of what was working were the things I had found didn’t disrupt the status quo (…too much). My list of what was not working were the things I wanted changed but had given up fighting for because I didn’t want to disrupt the apple cart (…for an irrational and unfounded fear of being fired).
A week later the new CAO walked into my office. Below is a paraphrased version of our conversation …
- Him: “Do you believe in something higher than yourself?”
- Me: “Yes.”
- Him: “Can I ask what and to what degree?”
- Me: “God. And I would say ‘Believing without belonging.’ I believe He exists, but I don’t belong to a church or really study my Bible.”
- Him: “Do you believe God has a purpose for your life?”
- Me: “Yes.”
- Him: “Do you believe your job is part of that purpose?”
- Me: “Absolutely.”
- Him: “Has God ever forsaken you?”
- Me: “There were many times I thought He had in my life, but when I looked back on the other side of them, I knew He was growing me and had a reason for each of them.”
- Him: “I want to recap. Last week you sat in my office and gave me a list of things that weren’t working and your excuse for not fighting harder for them was you didn’t want to get fired. But you just told me that you believe in God. You believe He put you in your job as part of His purpose for your life. You also just told me you’re too afraid to standup and make change because you think He is going to forsake you by allowing the company to fire you for doing your purpose. Wouldn’t you agree if they fire you, your purpose is no longer there? So do you really believe in God and living out His purpose in your life, or do you want to keep taking the easy route?”
Silence.
He gave me plenty of time in total silence to let that conversation sink in.
The he said, “I was brought here to make change. If you want to step up and lead and be part of that change, I would love to have you on the team. If you don’t think that’s your calling, let me know. I will find someone else who wants to lead.”
Many in our organization saw the man as a bull in a China shop. I saw him as someone who empowered change and helped take down barriers. We didn’t always agree, but he was never afraid to try something … at least once.
By that summer, I was given a new title, “Director of Recruitment and Retention.” He tasked me with figuring out how to change our culture, determining with the team why people were leaving, and figuring out how to change it so we could attract more people to our agency.
We quickly determined we didn’t have a recruitment problem. Our problem was on the retention side. Because you can’t fix everything at once, we started in two parts of our organization making changes. He began developing and rolling out leadership training.
I spent the entire summer away from my family assisting with the changes, the classes, and the visits needed with our team members to turn the work environment around. It took a hard toll on my family, but I felt alive.
By the end of August, the change agent was gone. I didn’t want to lose momentum, so I tried to keep the leadership classes going in another area. I offered the classes and no one came. A few first responder agencies invited me out to teach the classes to their organizations. But slowly, the momentum died.
It was supposed to.
The next three months were a blur. Those who had appreciated the change were excited to see me. There were strained relationships with a lot of others that honestly, never got fully repaired. At one point, I was really convinced (but probably very wrongly) the only reason I still had a job was the fact that if we both left, there might have been a mass exodus of part of our workforce. So I got to stay.
I looked for a new purpose. I prayed about it. I continued to rock my role as Director of Recruitment, but the word “Retention” was really no longer part of my responsibility (i.e. “empowered to make change”).
We hired an almost entirely new senior management team. I was blessed to be part of their selection, and I recognized the “retention” piece really belonged to those new players. I was in a supporting role.
During the course of the last quarter of the year, my husband and I also went through a powerful marriage program at the church we had started attending. Through that program, God not only restored our marriage, but we also learned to put Him first and at the center of everything.
In January of 2022, I was baptized. I had started studying the Bible daily. As I grew in understanding who Christ was, He grew in me.
By February, things at work were falling into place again, but I didn’t really know where I fit anymore. I continued to plug along doing two full-time roles (Recruitment and Public Relations). I often felt torn between where my time should be spent and frustrated by my lack of empowerment to make change. I had a hard time accepting my purpose was changing so other people could fulfill their purpose.
I still struggled to put anything but work first in my life. As I was struggling, so was my daughter. Her grades in school were not there. I was never home to help her with homework and nurture a love of learning the way my mother had been with me. Scheduling date nights with my husband were tough, and by spring, I was once again no longer in my Bible.
I began to feel called to look for a new career opportunity.
My husband and I talked about me becoming a stay-at-home mom (something I had longed to do for eight years but knew I would be bored doing without something on the side to keep me occupied). My life had always been defined by my professional career. I wanted to do something different. Something without travel. Something without night and weekend events. Something where I felt I was empowered to live my purpose.
So each week I would apply for new jobs. Each week, I would never get a call. Sometimes I would get rejection emails telling me I wasn’t the right fit. Each week, I would ask God to place me where He needed me next.
The first weekend in June, I got the answer.
While the rest of my family was asleep in a cabin at the river, I picked up my laptop and tiptoed outside to work on another job application. As I turned on my computer, my cellphone received a TXT from a friend.
“…a little birdie told me that you weren’t necessarily excited about the schedule you’re having to keep at work now and that you may be looking for something else.”
The message went on to tell me about a position our church was looking to fill.
“I’m certain it would probably be a pay cut for you, but the hours would be hard to beat. … I think it’s worth praying about.”
So I prayed.
My husband and I looked at our finances again. We realized it would be a big lifestyle change if I quit my job, but we could make it on his salary. Anything extra I could bring through a different job would be extra money for savings or doing things as a family. We both felt the most important place God could use me was in my role as mother and wife.
Throughout the month of June, God began shutting several doors for me.
By the first week of July, I had gone through three interviews with different organizations. None of the new roles would give me more time at home, but they all had less travel/night/weekend requirements. I also received two rejection letters and was told I was a strong contender for a second interview for another position.
Last Thursday, I had my first interview for a part-time position with our church. It is a secretarial position that blends in marketing. As I sat in the interview, I cried four different times. I apologized for crying in an interview.
“Never apologize for crying, it shows true humility,” the lady in the room said.
I walked out of there torn. I was waiting to hear back on a job offer from an interview I had done Monday that would keep us the same financially. But I had left the interview at the church, convinced that was where God needed me. I realized, I had to stop serving money and recognize God was providing a way for me to be the mom I have wanted to be for eight years.
The timing of every other thing that followed can only be attributed to God. The signs that it was the right time to put Him first, my family second, and work third were evident.
Yesterday morning, I accepted a full-time position from God to be a mom and a part-time position with our church starting August 8.
My last day at LifeNet will be Sunday, August 7. I know that God as built a strong team at LifeNet already to takeover the roles I was in. I was so beyond blessed to be part of their EMS agency for the last four years. They are the best of the best, and many of the leaders they have in place serve God first.
But I’m beyond blessed that God has opened this next door in my life as He closed that one. My daughter was beyond excited when she learned starting next month, Mommy would be home more. I’m not sure the last time I saw her smile that big. And I’m excited my next career move puts me in a place where the sole mission is to “grow more disciples.”
We serve an amazing God!
Photo: My daughter over the years working PR events with me at nights and on the weekends. I was blessed she could go with me when my husband could also tag along. She’s going to be solid at doing bystander CPR if I ever go into sudden cardiac arrest in front of her!!