“Only Jesus is perfect!”
Those are the four words my daughter tells me every single time I say, “That was perfect.”
She’s right, and as someone who has struggled with the appearance of perfection my entire life, it’s perhaps my favorite thing I have ever taught my daughter.
We have to accept we are not perfect. The best part about embracing our imperfections is we are then able to learn through our mistakes, see what we need to change, and move on.
Recently a friend shared how she was humiliated by her boss when a mistake was made and the boss yelled in front of the group, “This is unacceptable.”
My response back was, “The only thing unacceptable was your boss’s response. Mistakes happen. This wasn’t a repeat offense. Therefore it should have been a teachable moment, followed by a show of grace. Your boss should have owned her part in the mistake, and your team could have grown together. Mistakes are never unacceptable. They’re part of life.”
As I have replayed the conversation, I have reflected on the Biblical elements missing from the situation.
1. A Loving Relationship
Ephesians 4:15 (NIV) reads, “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.”
God calls us to point out faults and shortcomings. The Bible is full of examples where God corrects people. Criticism is good, but only when it is given in love.
As I learned more about the employee/manager relationship, it was obvious there wasn’t one. Too often, as managers, we are consumed by the busyness of projects that we fail to make the time needed to truly develop relationships with our people. It is hard to give and receive criticism “in love” if you haven’t taken time to build a relationship and connect with your employees.
2. An Environment of Encoruagement
1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NIV), “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up.”
When we are fighting our own need to be seen as perfect, we may respond in “unacceptable” ways. We point out the shortcomings of others instead of finding ways to encourage them and teach them to do better as the Bible calls us to do.
Instead of responding as previously mentioned, the boss could have easily said, “A mistake was made, and we are going to grow from it to ensure it doesn’t happen again. This person loves and has a passion for what she does, so we know there wasn’t malicious intent. We will be a better team because of this.”
3. Humility
Philippians 2:3-5 (NIV) should hang on the walls of everyone’s office. It reads, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus.”
To speak the truth in love requires humility.
To receive the truth in love requires humility.
Humility is hard because we are all broken people who struggle with the sin of pride.
As a manager, it is hard to step back and own your part in a team problem. It is humble to reflect back on things like how you assumed someone was doing all the right things because of their experience but you failed to provide the right training or adequately check-up on their progress and retrain as needed. It’s humbling to apologize for your outburst of anger in your moment of disappointment and ask for forgiveness.
As an employee, it’s hard to take criticism when you never get praise and recognize it’s God giving you an opportunity to grow. It’s humbling to let go of the hurt from those moments and recognize the core issue both you and your manager have is rooted in pride. It’s humbling to walk into your manager’s office and say, “About the other day, I made a mistake. I’m sorry, and here is how I will correct it going forward.”
That last sentence is perhaps my very favorite sentence to say. Too many people try to hide their mistakes or never own them and offer a solution. It has baffled many of my managers when I have said, “I made a mistake, and here’s my plan to fix it.” They can’t yell anymore.
I have the very best boss ever right now. This week I called him to share a few mistakes I had made.
“You’re going to make mistakes. I don’t care how many mistakes you make. I just want to see effort. You show great effort every single day,” he said. I love that guy!
4. Forgiveness
Matthew 6:14 NIV, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”
Finally, we have to learn to forgive and move on. We may never get an apology. We may never get an opportunity to tell someone how we feel. But God gives us the opportunity to forgive people. In fact, if we want God to forgive us of our own sins, we are instructed to forgive others.
Forgiveness isn’t for the other person. Forgiveness provides you internal peace to move on from the emotional situation you are trapped in. When you harbor anger and bitterness from being hurt, you also sin.
Ephesians 4:26 (NIV), “‘In your anger do not sin’ Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.”
God instructs us to take care of our anger and grant forgiveness the same day it is needed.
If you find yourself stuck in a similar situation as my friend, pray to God.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for reminding me I am not perfect and that I need you. Thank you for humbling me and providing an opportunity for me to learn from my mistakes. Please soften my heart and provide an opportunity for me to shine Your light to my boss by allowing me to let go of my hurt and forgive her for her hurt. Please soften her heart and help her with her sin of pride as you’re helping me overcome my own issues with pride. Thank you for the opportunity you have given me to work on your mission field every day by (insert your job). Bind Satan away from my thoughts and relationships and grant me the ability to have the same mindset as Jesus. I love you and I praise you. Amen.