Yesterday four words summed up my day:
2-3. God’s Timing
My morning started with disappointment and heartbreak over something seemingly trivial upon reflection. I had put personal time and resources into something, and I was kindly asked not to do it.
As the tears came, so did more interruptions than usual. Overwhelm began to set in.
Recognizing I needed time with God, I picked up a box of supplies I had been storing in my office and drove across town in prayer. I dropped them off at their donation point and selfishly prayed, “Why not me God and why not now?”
The answer came a few hours later in our staff meeting when our Senior Pastor quoted Proverbs 11:14, “For lack of guidance a nation falls, but victory is won through many advisers.”
The reality was, I had made a hasty decision without running it through other advisers I trusted and who had more authority than I did. I was hurt because I hadn’t been asked my “Why?” for thinking the project was a good idea, but the reality was, I never took the time to ask their “Why not?” before quickly jumping into action.
As I replayed the moment in prayer, I heard the words that were explained to me as the reason for not doing the project.
“We only have so much time, and right now this isn’t the best use of the time.”
That made me think of two more words.
Shortly after our staff meeting, a member of our team came in my office and shared a personal story. As we discussed it, we both agreed that sometimes it’s hard to trust in God’s timing when I want things to happen on my timing.
As I pondered that, I pondered my inability to set boundaries and the bottleneck of projects on my desk that at times feels overwhelming to me and hinders the goals of others. I turned the hurt in my heart over being told no to gratitude to God for saying no FOR me.
I dont know why God didn’t want me where I felt called to serve, but I know He knows where He needs me.
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) reminds us, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”
There is power in looking for the answers for “Why God said no” instead of asking “Why was I wrong God?”
But that takes a lot of the last word.
About two hours into my pity party, God laid Proverbs 16:18 on my heart which reads, “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.”
I had yelled at my husband and literally asked my coworker to close the door in his own face two hours earlier in what could only be defined as not my best professional moment of the year.
God was right. My pride had been hurt, and my haughty spirit turned ugly right before I fell. But the moment I fell on my knees before God a few hours later, He started to show me answers.
Our Senior Pastor shared one more bit of wisdom in our staff meeting.
Proverbs 11:2 (NIV), “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.”
He went on to wrap up everything I learned yesterday in one sentence, “With humility comes wisdom, and wisdom an abundance of counselors.”
On my drive home yesterday I reflected on times in my past when I relied on myself instead of God. I have pridefully quit jobs over disappointment in being told “No” instead of seeing God’s hand in timing and trusting Him in saying, “Not now.” Pride has destroyed a lot of other things in my life, too.
Our Senior Pastor shared one more thing yesterday in staff meeting. He asked us to create our 10 Second Testimony. Two words of what your life was like before Jesus and two words after inviting Him into your heart.
Before Jesus, my life was controlled by pride and selfish desires. After Jesus, my life is defined by growing in humility and a desire to serve others.
If you don’t have a personal relationship with Jesus, or you’re just struggling and need someone to talk to as you work through your “whys”, my cell is 903.490.4896. Call anytime!