At the age of 26, I found myself mentally and financially broken. I had spent nearly two years in a relationship I knew weeks into wasn’t the right spot for me, but I stayed for the wrong reasons.
A coworker recognized my situation. She offered me a room in her home and invited me to go to church with her. She was older than me, and the “singles” group she was part of at church was amazing. Seven days a week we were connected. We played cards, volleyball, ate at restaurants, went to movies, attended church, and played more cards together.
When I look back on my 20’s, the time I spent with that group still brings some of the best memories.
The group was a small section of a very large church in town. The pastor was amazing, but I didn’t know him. In fact, one day while I was running on a treadmill at the gym, he was on the treadmill beside me. I remember telling him “Hello!” and recognizing for the first time that while I spent almost every day of my life with his church members, we didn’t know one another at all.
I could have introduced myself and got to know him.
Instead, my life took a different direction. A direction that mirrored my (non-existent) walk with Christ.
It would take me nearly 15 years to realize the reason that happened was because my reason for going to church in the first place then was wrong. I was going to church to meet my need for connection … to people, not to God.
Shortly thereafter, over a card game, one of the group members got mad because she felt I had been flirting with a guy she liked in the group. I hadn’t. I just loved playing Spades ♠️, and he was a great partner. Whenever possible, I sought him out to play because we got each other in the card game. There was zero romantic interest on my part, but my desire to leave the drama of the group behind started to grow.
A few weeks later, an engineer at work asked me out. Unable to say no to a first date of skydiving, I left the singles group at church behind. Not knowing the pastor or anyone else in the church, I left the church, too. My new love interest didn’t have a church background, so starting our new life without a church foundation was easy enough.
While I could entertain you with all the ways that relationship grew and then busted over the next two years, it deflects from my reason for writing.
As I was studying Chapter 7, “I Will Not Be a Church Dropout” in the book I Will by Thom Rainer this morning, I thought these words: “Don’t let what happens to you one time keep you from going back.”
I was blessed at the age of 28 to meet the man God intended for my life. Several people told us we needed to get involved in church. I had no desire to listen to them. I didn’t even know where I would go.
If you’ve been following my spiritual journey back to Christ over the last year, you also know, I didn’t want to be judged. I didn’t want to feel like the “new” person. I didn’t want to have to explain my reasons for not going to church to others. I was embarrassed I had “missed” the opportunity in my youth to be baptized.
I didn’t realize how much I was focused on “I”.
My focus was wrong.
“We burnout when our motivation to do works is for anyone but God,” Rainer wrote.
I burned out on church in my 20’s because my motivation for church wasn’t for learning about God. It was for entertainment and entertainment alone. 😮
I’m not sure it’s possible to have your focus right as a Christian until you recognize it’s not about YOU.
I reached a point at the age of 39 where my choices were anything but Biblical. Outside of praying before *some* meals, my prayer life was non-existent. My inner-circle was full of people with great worldly advice, but none of the advice mirrored God’s commandments.
And God let me hit rock bottom. Right before I hit, He placed me back in church. He showed me so many signs that I was headed to rock bottom, but I ignored them. I had spent most of my life ignoring God.
Then something amazing happened. He used my husband to show me unconditional love, grace, and mercy. He used a ReEngage class to wrap me in fellowship and teach me how to really study Christ and build a relationship with Him. He blessed me with a church family that was nothing short of amazing. And just like that, it all seemed to make sense. It would take me several more months to really understand how to see Christ on my life … how to find His messages in the Bible and in sermons … and how to process it all.
I love this scripture that has crossed my paths multiple times since then, including in the book this morning.
**** Ephesians 2:8-10 ****
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith — and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God — not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
****
I have a very addictive personality. It’s why I have never tried drugs and rarely drink alcohol. But there is one place my addiction shines. I am a workaholic. And when I decided to really give the church life a try, I became a “God-aholic”.
I didn’t get involved serving in the church. Instead, I wanted to study scripture. I felt suddenly like I had wasted nearly 4 decades not learning it. So I took an already overcrowded schedule and poured on as much study time with God as possible.
And I burned out.
Recently, I sat in the church gym on a Wednesday night in tears. I told my husband I just didn’t want to go into the class. I was stressed from all the prep of trying to complete the weekly Bible study I had signed up for on top of everything else. I didn’t feel connected, and I just wanted to go home.
I needed to be with that group of women that night, but we left. I just couldn’t do it. My pride wouldn’t allow me to let that group of Christian ladies see me cry.
I have since regrouped. I realized that particular Bible study really wasn’t for me. I was doing it because I felt like I had to do it, not because I felt called to do it.
As I read “I Will” this morning, I realized church isn’t about being part of every single ministry. It’s not about how much scripture you read. It’s about finding where your relationship with Christ needs development and nurture and where you can use the talents Christ gave you, and the testimony He empowered you with, to help grow others and make more disciples.
You will have the most joy, peace, and confidence when you are doing what you truly believe God has called you to do, but you can only find those feelings when you truly understand who God is and why He needs you in church surrounded by other Christians.
We all have a groove and a group. I had lunch with another church member on Wednesday. She is also new to the church. She’s still trying to find her Connect Group on Sunday mornings. That’s the awesome thing about church. You don’t have to fit into every group. You have to find the group God needs you to be part of, and then use your blessings to grow and allow others to help grow you, too.
Going back to Ephesians 2 (shared earlier), grace is what God gives you that you do not earn or deserve. I am so blessed to be His child and to have a testimony that shows the grace he poured over my life.
Your part in salvation and and grace is having faith in Him. You have to trust in His plan, believe in His promise, and live by His guidelines. One of those guidelines is growing other disciples, and a great place to start is by having a solid church home where you can bring those future disciples to learn about Christ.