Ever have a friend hurt your feelings or disappoint you, been so disappointed by your spouse you thought about divorce, or got so frustrated by what someone said that you just decided to “delete” them from social media (if not your life entirely)?
If we are honest, at some point in our lives, we all have because relationships are hard work.
In his message at Trinity Baptist Church today, Pastor Andy Coats spoke on “A Call Towards Helping Relationships”.
In order for relationships to be healthy, they must:
1. Have structure,
2. Be in the right environment, and
3. Have people willing to maintain them.
Without one of these keys to relationship success, relationships will undoubtedly be thrown into strife.
Pastor Andy shared a Biblical example of two sisters who found strife in their relationship in front of the Lord.
****Luke 10:38-42****
As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said.
But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”
****
This was a great lesson by Jesus to remind us all that sometimes there is a time for sitting with Jesus and studying his word and sometimes there’s a time to serve Him. You can’t have one without the other though.
One way to serve and be obedient to the word of the Lord is found in Ephesians.
****Ephesians 4:1-3****
As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.
****
In verse 3, God has called us to maintain peace with others. But how do we do it.
Step 1: Look inside yourself.
Living in peace with others challenges you to check your own heart and your own attitude. The indicator of being filled with the spirit of the Lord is the unity we have with other Christians.
You cannot fix other people. You cannot fix their hearts or change their minds. But you can fix your heart and change your mind.
Step 2: Develop your virtues.
In verse 2, we are told the keys to maintaining peace and unity come through developing humility, gentleness, patience, and forbearing love (see graphic for details on each).
Satan would prefer for us to argue. He would prefer for us to divide ourselves and plant seeds of discourse. When we give into conflict, we are doing his work for him. Satan uses conflict to destroy our relationships. God uses it to develop our virtues and grow us closer to Him.
Step 3: Put in the work.
Sometimes we don’t feel like forgiving, being humble, extending patience, and offering unconditional love. Our pride and emotions get in the way of our ability to love our friends, coworkers, kids, and spouse in the same way that God loves us.
God knows there will be moments in our life where we are aggravated by others, moments of tension, and moments where we would just rather be frustrated than forgiving. He knows it because He watches us do the same thing to Him daily in our life choices. Yet he offers grace, forgiveness, and love instead of anger, hate, and frustration.
If we are called to live like Christ lived, it starts with how we treat those around us. Our relationships matter. How we live matters.
So the next time you find yourself…
1. Attacking the person instead of the problem,
2. Dragging things up from the past to win current arguments,
3. Arguing to get what you want instead of what’s right, or
4. In any form of conflict with another person…
…let go of blaming them. Instead, look within yourself. Determine what inside of you is creating the conflict and ask God to help you show humility, react with gentleness, remain patient, and love unconditionally. In doing do, you’ll find peace in your relationships and be able to live in unity of the spirit with other Christians.
Click here to watch the full message.
