Ever been in a relationship and felt there was something missing?
Even the best relationships, the ones we feel have the most solid foundations, will at times leave us feeling like we need more.
And we do!
We need God. We were designed to need Him.
Our spouses, our friends, our kids, our coworkers … they weren’t designed to meet all of our needs. When we turn to them instead of to God, we are bound to end up disappointed.
But if we turn to God to fulfill the internal needs our hearts desire, we know He never disappoints.
****1 John 5:15****
And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.
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Does that mean we shouldn’t work to understand the needs and core desires of our spouses, friends, kids, and coworkers?
Of course not. It simply means we don’t have the right to be angry, frustrated, or disappointed with them when they don’t meet those needs.
But since we know others depend on us to meet their needs, especially our spouses, how do we get better at showing them love by meeting their needs?
We listen.
****James 1:19****
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.
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We study them.
As individuals, God gave us core needs we need met.
- ATTENTION
The need to be seen and valued. The need to know that you matter. - AFFECTION
The need to be enjoyed or delighted in by others. - AFFIRMATION
The need for others to confirm you have what it takes. - ACCEPTANCE
The need to belong or be desired. - SATISFACTION
The need to be fulfilled. - SIGNIFICANCE
The need to make an impact, to have meaning, or to be in charge. - SECURITY
The need to know you’ll be okay.
Take the time to humbly listen to your spouse when they talk to you. Ask them open ended questions to discover how you can meet their needs.
Recognize that in your spouse, God gave you the pieces of you that were missing. Get rid of the assumptions that you’re the same and embrace and celebrate your differences the way you did when you first started dating.
Since they’re different than you, become a student of your spouse. Never stop studying their needs and desires. Grow together by learning how to love them the way they need to be loved.
And if you’re just not sure where to start in taking this step, let me encourage you to talk to your spouse about kicking off 2022 by attending ReEngage. It’s an amazing marriage enrichment opportunity.